The Depths of Dispair

So what do you do when there is no answer from God? When He seemingly is silent? You can talk to Him about everything but one subject? Currently it feels like He is answering other small prayers and my friends prayers....but I get a silent wall. For awhile I had believed the lie that He forgot about me and I am just waiting to be found again. Not true. I know He hasn't forgot about me but now it is just a flat awkward conversation when it comes to a job/career. It's like the white elephant in the room. So then I go through the "steps" of making sure that there is nothing hindering my prayers:

• How are my relationships?
• Is there a secret sin that I haven't confessed?
• Have I not forgiven someone?
• Do I need to ask for forgiveness?
• Am I thankful enough?

The list can go on and on, yet as of now, I feel like there is nothing that I did or continue to do. I only write like this when I am extremely frustrated and overworked mentally about something.  The classic Christian line is to "pray about it". So what then? Do I need to memorize a couple of verses and hope something clicks soon? .......Yep. I get to wait as did Joseph in jail, David in the desert, Joshua for the Promised land and numerous stories from Scripture. Proverbs 3:5-6 - that's all I got for now.

Are you really content or just saying that?

This year has certainly been a wild ride. Now that 2012 is just around the corner I wanted to share one major lesson that has been a recurrence in my life and perhaps even yours. It is this montage- "I am giving God more glory where I am at now than where I want to be".

This has been a very difficult truth to swallow considering my heart bleeds for ministry and preaching, yet, God has me in a sales position. It doesn't make complete sense right now and I have to be content with that. If I truly trust God with my life and passions and hopes and dreams then I shouldn't question him b/c he hasn't forgotten about me nor put me on the wayside.

How about you? Are you facing a tough decision, perhaps your have been places in a difficult place in life and you have to decide if trusting Christ is an expression that I say or a decision that I believe.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him and He'll make your paths straight

How Long oh Lord

There are seasons of life when we wonder how long must I endure this _____. It seems like you have waves that you go through in order to get through and tolerate the pain or discomfort of this troubling season. Yet here you are no matter what direction/choice you make you end up with the same problem or set of problems. For me it is the idea that what I am passionate about and desire the most seems to get further and further away. I look back as to where I first started in ministry and see where I am now...polar opposites. "How long oh Lord..." David cries this out in brutal honesty before God. What boldness, yet this is what our/my heart screams.

I can't imagine what Joseph felt when he was thrown into slavery, thinking "God, you showed me in a dream that I would be in great powerful position... why am I here?" When Joseph went into slavery he was 17, when he became second to Pharaoh he was 30! That was 17 years of learning what it means to be great leader.

Perhaps in the most polar opposite world that you are in is the exact sort of training that is necessary to move you/me into the next phase or season. The bigger question is do you trust God or your circumstances?

Psalm 13:1-5
¹ How long will you forget me, Lord? Forever? How long will you hide from me?² How long must I worry and feel sad in my heart all day? How long will my enemy win over me? ³ Lord, look at me. Answer me, my God; tell me, or I will die. ⁴ Otherwise my enemy will say, "I have won!" Those against me will rejoice that I've been defeated. ⁵ I trust in your love. My heart is happy because you saved me.

Holding On...In Order To Let Go

In life we are presented with two simplistic choices...right and wrong. All said and done the bottom line is right and wrong, good vs. bad or yin and yang if you will. The next step is who dictates what is right and what is wrong? Who decides all this and for us? Essentially there is one who does and did decide all this. God! However, the trickiness begins when God enemy, Satan, masks himself as an angel of good and tries oh so hard to dupe us into making the wrong decision when it is seems it is actually the right one. So how do we know that the decisions at hand in our life are from God or Satan? This is tough because the only way to know is when you are with God, reading His Word, being with His people and so on.

You see when stop to be still and know that God knows precisely what he wants to do with your life it makes things a bit easier to swallow. The hardship comes is when we choose to go off track to fulfill our inner lusts of our hearts and indulge in pleasure from this world. As the title of this blog states -"Holding On...In Order To Let Go". What is it or better yet, who is it that you are holding into? Is your life in chaos and disorder, when you start making decisions based on emotions, or you become super self introspective? I can't begin to tell you the most difficult step to do in order to get out of that rut, but the step is.... create time to be with your Heavenly Father, ask for help, learn to accept who you are and embrace where God has you.

James 1:2-5 (NLT)
2 Dear brothers and sisters,s when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. 5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

The Lies Were Told...The Ones We Believe

There are moments in this life when things just aren't "clicking" the way you had planned. Somewhere along the road it went a rye and you wonder, "what happened?" You plot and plan your goals, ideas, passions, direction and seemingly everything.... except we forget to think about the unknown even more we forget to plan for failure. Not to come across negatively but the reality is not everything we do will succeed. Alas, we get to a place where we begin to question....EVERYTHING... then in turn begin to question God, his plans and purposes for our lives. And it is at that exact moment when we realize that we have been attacked by the enemy and have been convinced of the lies we were told.

For me, it is so easy to just think about how easy is it to give up, give in, to question my skills as a husband, father or the like. I want to believe that everything I will attempt in my life will be a failure because it is easy to and easy to just not even try. I know I cant. I know that those are the lies that the enemy wants me to believe so that I become ineffective and useless but I cant, I won't and in fact I MUST fight back....

As an encouragement to you- take some time to just write down the lies that are being told to you, because when you see them in front of you, you can then find truth to each one and disband the horrific lie.

1 Tim. 1:18-19 it says at the end, "...fight the good fight.(19) To do this you must hold firmly to faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and so have suffered shipwreck in regard to the faith.


FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT!

Starting Over

There is truly nothing more difficult then starting over. Whether it be with a large project we have been working on or just simply having to retie our shoe laces. It's annoying and frustrating and frankly.. a lot of work. And for me, that's where I'm at right now. I'm starting over with learning what it means to be a child of God, husband, father and soon to be pastor of a new church. With a child coming soon, again, I am scared and worried... for obvious reasons but also the fact that I don't know how I will perform as a dad and husband all the other hats I wear. When it comes to starting over I have a tendency to go with the thought process of fight or flight. I want to fight for how things should be and try to keep things where they are, or flight, fly off to my own selfish world where everything is justified and I am "god" so to speak. Lately, I have been flight mode, trying to find satisfaction and justification for my sins and temptations. No more. Due to God-given moments and revelations that I have recently experienced I have a new thought process. FIGHT or FLIGHT! I am going to fight for my family and the hats that I have chosen to wear and chosen to be a part of. In conjunction with flight, fleeing from the past temptations and justifications from my past. I know it seems such a simplistic and elementary thought, but often those are the things that are the most powerful.

2 Tim. 2:22 - But run away from the evil desires of youth. Try hard to live right and to have faith, love, and peace, together with those who trust in the Lord from pure hearts.

The Unknown Future

As I re-read my prior blog posts and see where God has taken me, and the hard lessons learned through those times, I am extraordinarily grateful for God's patience and development within me. As I look to my unknown future of this year nothing but excitement and fear are running through veins. Between the future of my to-be child, starting of a brand new church, looking for a new career in general and a slew of other things that are going to come up this will certainly be an unforgettable year by far.

Hebrews 11:1 (NCV)
"Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it."